A good blog friend of mine, momofjenmatt , recently posted some great advice for young / new parents. It inspired me to share some of my own. Not only am I a mom of three daughters, I have been teaching children ages 5 and under for 8 years. I have LOTS of experience with ALL kinds of kids / parents / situations. I probably should've written these down ahead of time. But I'm going to just shoot from the hip.

**DISCLAIMER** - this is a post based on my own personal experience. I do not pretend to be an expert. This is solely my opinion. Take it or leave it for what it is. It is not my intention to insult or put down anyone's parenting style or techniques. I am not judging. I am just trying to help you be a more effective parent.

1. DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE BEST FOR YOUR CHILD - this is probably the most important thing I can share. No one knows your child better than you do. My best advice, if you are having a problem, is to ask several different people for their thoughts and ideas, listen to what they have to say with an open mind, weigh their advice against your own ideas, then do what your gut & heart tell you to do. Trust your instincts.

2. EMPOWER YOUR CHILD - Every mom likes to feel needed by their children. There is nothing wrong with that. But, you can overdo it. And, at some point, they will have to learn for themselves. Don't be afraid to encourage independence. You can start this a lot earlier than you think. Most 2 year olds can throw their own tissues in the garbage and carry their cups to the sink (get a small step-stool so they can get it in the sink). Most 3 year olds can put on their own socks and shoes, you just have to tie them - unless you get velcro, then they should be able to do it all themselves. 3 year olds can also put on their own coats, and can usually learn how to work the zipper by the time they are 4. Keep their things in places where they can get them out and put them away by themselves - favorite toys/books, blankets, etc. TRUST ME ON THIS. Teaching your child how to do for him/herself will not only save your sanity, but will have teachers singing your praises.

3. TREAT / TALK TO YOUR CHILD LIKE YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED / TALKED TO - The good old Golden Rule. Act the way you want your children to act. Show your children respect.  Talk to them every day. Really listen to them when they talk to you. No one likes to be screamed at, or put down, or called names. If you are upset, you are allowed to be upset, and you should SAY that you are upset. But there are ways of doing that without shrieking and belittling a person who might not know any better. Be honest with them. No one likes to be lied to. Children are a lot smarter than people give them credit for. They can usually tell if you are feeding them a line. And, if you repeatedly lie to them, they won't believe anything you say, and will lose respect for you... which brings me to my next point...

4. RESPECT AND FEAR ARE NOT THE SAME THING - you will have much better luck with "discipline" if your children respect you than if they fear you. If they do something you aren't happy about, your calm, disappointed reaction will have a much bigger effect than screaming and/or threatening. Really. Respect is the way to go. And the best way to get respect, is to show your children respect.

5. PLEASE TEACH YOUR CHILD MANNERS - this is more than Please and Thank You. Teach them not to interrupt. Teach them the importance of waiting their turn patiently. Teach them to clean up after themselves.  Teach them the Golden Rule. And the best way to teach these things is BY EXAMPLE. If you act this way, chances are your children will act this way. They will see the importance of these things and how they get positive results. Please take note: You do NOT have to be a Nazi / fanatic freak about these things.

6. NO ONE IS PERFECT - Not you. Not your children. Expect to make mistakes. Expect your children to make mistakes. Mistakes are not the end of the world. Just learn what you can from them and MOVE ON. Just do the best you can every day. No one can rightfully expect more than that. And please, if you ever need help, ASK FOR IT. No one will think less of you. And if they do, then that is their problem.

7. DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK - that is just a waste of time and energy - energy most new parents can't afford to lose. It doesn't matter if your child has designer clothes, or perfectly matched outfits. In fact, I encourage you to shop in second-hand/thrift stores for the first 5 years of life, if not longer. Then your child can play and explore like they really should, and you won't freak out if they get dirty or rip their pants, because you only spent a few bucks. They grow so fast anyway, spending more than that is really just a waste. I can't tell you how many "nice" outfits my girls outgrew after only wearing them once.

8. FOR GODSSAKE, LET YOUR CHILDREN PLAY OUTSIDE! - Let them get dirty! Let them experiment! Let them try out their ideas! If its the mess you're worried about, take some precautions (do it outside, or in an area that's easy to clean - i.e. tile floor) and make sure they help you clean it up! Make it a stipulation / expectation before they do whatever it is. They want to paint their bodies / play in the mud / make a peanut butter and pickle sandwich? OK! They will learn SO MUCH from the experience. As long as it won't hurt them or anyone else, let them go to town. And once in a while, join them! They will love you for that. And you never know, you might have fun!

9. PICK YOUR BATTLES - Figure out what's really important and what your true limits on these things. And then stick to them. And then, let the other stuff go. Seriously. Let it go. Don't sweat the small stuff. Again, its a waste of time, energy and sanity. If its not hurting anyone or anything, why can't they do it? What is the real problem? If the real problem is you, then leave the area. Find something else to do. Things like this can be HUGE to your children - shows them that what they think/like/do is important, which generates respect.

10. LIMITS, CONSISTANCY and FOLLOW-THROUGH -YOU are the boss. Make some basic rules. Keep them few and simple. A good rule of thumb is to have the same number of rules as the age of the child. If you try to pile on a ton of rules, and make them complicated, your child will have a tough time remembering them. You can word them broadly, so they cover a variety of things. For example, when I taught 3 yr olds, our classroom rules were 1. Keep your hands, feet and teeth to yourself ; 2. Respect the room and each other ; 3. Be safe. As you can see, these rules cover quite a few "issues", but are easy to remember. No one knows what you want unless you tell them. Children are no different. Let them know what you expect of them in any given situation. And remember to teach by example. Act the way you want them to act.

Once you have rules established, then set up some consequences. Its best to have consequences that match the crime. If they color on the wall, make them clean it up. If they hurt their sister, it is their job to do what it takes to make her feel better (like get her a cold cloth). If they throw a tantrum in a store, they have to leave the store. The most important thing about consequences is follow-through. YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH. If you say they have to go into time-out, then put them in time-out. If you say you're going to take something away, then take it away. NOW. Just do it. Your child won't die if you take away a toy for a while, or turn off their favorite video. They won't like it, and will probably show you in many ways that they don't like it. But, follow through is more important. If you don't follow-through, it teaches your child that you don't mean what you say, and they lose respect for your words. And why would they listen to what you say, if you don't mean it? When time out is over, make sure they understand WHY they were in time-out, and re-state what your expectation of them is. Remember, no one is perfect. (see #6) People forget. That doesn't make them bad people. They just need to be reminded.

11. IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO - Really. For Godssake. You don't have to give in to your child's every whim for them to be happy. Yes, they may be upset that you won't buy them the newest toy. But it won't kill them. I'm not saying you should always say no. Just don't be afraid to say it when you need to. Goes back to the respect thing and the limits thing. When you say no, MEAN IT. Remember, YOU are the boss.

OK, I think I'm done.... at least for now. I could probably go on and on. Feel free to leave me your thoughts, arguments and ideas. I am open for debate on any of these points, as long as its done respectfully. Talk to me, people!

I am branching out from Xanga, and sharing my words here on Momaroo. I'm also here to help out a great Xanga friend, momofjenmatt.

I am a 35 year old mom of three beautiful daughters, ages 18, 16, and 8. (pause while you do the math...) Yes, I was a teenage mom, and have so far survived without a repeat in the pattern. My oldest daughter just graduated from high school this past week, and my middle one is preparing to start her Senior year. I married their dad after high school, and after being together for over 11 years, we finally split about 8 years ago. (pause again...) Yes, I was pregnant with our youngest when we separated. I have been doing the single mom thing for a while now, and it hasn't been too bad.

I am now engaged to what I believe to be the most perfect man on the planet for me. He's amazing. And when we tie the knot, I will become the official step-mom of three wonderful step-sons, ages 16, 14, and 9. (pause for effect...) Yes, we are the modern day Brady Bunch.

I plan to use this site for my blended family rantings and my kid-bragging. So, if you are the kind of person who gets really sick of hearing about how wonderful other people's children are, then this probably isn't the place for you.

Um... what else should I tell you.... I work as an Early Childhood Art Teacher. That means I teach art to children ages 6 months through 8 years of age. I work in a child care center on a college campus, that uses our place as a Lab, so they can practice and learn good teaching techniques hands-on. I have been working in this field for 8 years.

Other than that, I don't know what else to tell you. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. How else will we get to know each other? I look forward to getting to know you, and becoming part of a hopefully amazing Mommy network. That's the point of this, right?

POWER TO THE MOMMIES!!!